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'Twas a night on Sonoma, when all through the lands
Not a creature was stirring, not even orc bands;
The servers were saved on the disks with care,
In hopes that Lag Daemon wouldn't come there;
The ettins were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of roast smiths danced in their heads;
And pirates in their 'kerchief, and thiefs in cap,
Had just settled down for a draught from the tap,
When out in the forest there arose such a clatter,
Innkeepers rose to see what was the matter.
Warriors out of bedrolls flew like a flash,
Weapons in hand, throwing on their sash.
Archers grabbed their mighty bow
Torches were lit in a hazy glow
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But the Daemon himself, to spread lag and fear,
With stubby little legs, the anti- of quick,
They knew in a moment it was King Trick.
As slow as a slug, laughing at blames,
He snarled, and drooled, yelling his names;
"I'm, SLOWNESS! a DOWNER! I'm DAWDLING and SLUGGY!
I'm UNHURRIED! MOLASSES! I'm STICKY and LAGGY!
'Twill take thee an hour just to walk to the wall!
Now lag away! lag away! lag away all!"
All froze where they stood, birds stopped mid-fly,
No monster moved, no sound, no arrow in sky,
Everything was paused as time flew,
Lag Daemon laughed, but that stopped too.
Counselors and Volunteers came with a *poof*
They pounded that annoying, laggish doof.
Slowly everyone started to move around,
Like achy joints unused, and again there was sound.
He was cut down to size, until he was naught but a foot,
And his skin was covered with magery's soot;
A bundle of "Corp Por"s were flung at his back,
He was defeated, the Shard Heroes gave him no slack.
His lazy eyes narrowed as he crawled away,
His cheeks were like fires, his nose bruised clay,
He moved deliberately away, typically slow,
He'd come back some day, we all know.
He spoke not a word, but snarled at his work,
glaring as things sped up; then turned with a jerk,
He wedged himself into a nook of the server disk
He wiggled his finger, as if saying "tsk tsk"
He was gone in an instant, no one knew where,
Lag Daemon was gone, for now, the old bear.
We heard him exclaim, and on the Counselors spat,
"I SHALL RETURN SHORTLY, YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT!"
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